Not wanting to waste anytime, I quickly tossed out a few more rules for him to keep in mind if he hopes to win this girl's heart.
Without further ado.
--------
15) Ladies like to know about how successful you’ve been with women in the past. The appearance of being in high demand is more important than actual quality (like the Black Eyed Peas). So make sure to talk often about previous girlfriends (real or fictional). Assign them numerical values and tell her how she compares to them. Favorably or not.
16) When you watch movies together, spend most of the time telling her what your predictions are in terms of plot and character development. If you predict anything accurately, she is going to be very impressed. So predict loud and often.
17) Invite her to come watch you play in a rec league basketball game. If you’re not very good at basketball, don’t worry, just take it really seriously. Ask someone on the other team (or yours) what his “problem” is. Get in a fight.
18) Buy three different types of cologne. Put on 3 spritzes per bottle for maximum seduction. If you don’t get a mild upper-respiratory infection, you’re doing it wrong.
19) Talk, in depth, about UFC. Early and often.
20) Take her out to eat at a buffet. Say “you like that?” about everythying she chooses. Then look at her butt and purse your lips.
21) Cheddar Cheese.
22) “Train” for a triathlon. By this I mean: go for the occasional jog, buy a really expensive bike, publicly wear spandex and those biking shirts covered in corporate logos, shave your legs, and talk incessantly about your triathlon training.
23) Show her you’re politically savvy by blaming the high price of your dinner on Barack Obama.
24) Once you’re friends on Facebook with the girl you’re pursuing, start tagging pictures of Nicole Richie as her. If she gets upset about this, apologize and say you didn’t realize it wasn’t her. Then tag photos of Lionel Richie as her.
25) If you’re sick of the soda you’ve been drinking while driving around with your lady, don’t just leave it, whip it out the window at an oncoming car. Laugh. Ask her why she’s not. Buy another drink.
26) Upload a bunch of black and white pictures to Facebook. Call yourself an amateur photographer.
27) 2 Fast 2 Furious.
28) Prove your business know-how and savvy by saying the word “synergy.” A lot. For example: “boy, that episode of the Apprentice was very synergy. Donald Trump. Networking. Cyclical.”
29) You don’t want to seem like a nerd, so if you ever need to give out a website, always say the “www” part. Example: “oh yeah, go to www dot google dot com. Then type in www dot youtube dot com and push ‘search.’ You can find cool videos of Nickleback cover songs there.”
30) Film yourself chopping down a tree and send her a copy.
16) When you watch movies together, spend most of the time telling her what your predictions are in terms of plot and character development. If you predict anything accurately, she is going to be very impressed. So predict loud and often.
17) Invite her to come watch you play in a rec league basketball game. If you’re not very good at basketball, don’t worry, just take it really seriously. Ask someone on the other team (or yours) what his “problem” is. Get in a fight.
18) Buy three different types of cologne. Put on 3 spritzes per bottle for maximum seduction. If you don’t get a mild upper-respiratory infection, you’re doing it wrong.
19) Talk, in depth, about UFC. Early and often.
20) Take her out to eat at a buffet. Say “you like that?” about everythying she chooses. Then look at her butt and purse your lips.
21) Cheddar Cheese.
22) “Train” for a triathlon. By this I mean: go for the occasional jog, buy a really expensive bike, publicly wear spandex and those biking shirts covered in corporate logos, shave your legs, and talk incessantly about your triathlon training.
23) Show her you’re politically savvy by blaming the high price of your dinner on Barack Obama.
24) Once you’re friends on Facebook with the girl you’re pursuing, start tagging pictures of Nicole Richie as her. If she gets upset about this, apologize and say you didn’t realize it wasn’t her. Then tag photos of Lionel Richie as her.
25) If you’re sick of the soda you’ve been drinking while driving around with your lady, don’t just leave it, whip it out the window at an oncoming car. Laugh. Ask her why she’s not. Buy another drink.
26) Upload a bunch of black and white pictures to Facebook. Call yourself an amateur photographer.
27) 2 Fast 2 Furious.
28) Prove your business know-how and savvy by saying the word “synergy.” A lot. For example: “boy, that episode of the Apprentice was very synergy. Donald Trump. Networking. Cyclical.”
29) You don’t want to seem like a nerd, so if you ever need to give out a website, always say the “www” part. Example: “oh yeah, go to www dot google dot com. Then type in www dot youtube dot com and push ‘search.’ You can find cool videos of Nickleback cover songs there.”
30) Film yourself chopping down a tree and send her a copy.
--------
I'll be sure to keep everyone posted as this guide develops.
I'm looking to change lives here people.
8 comments:
There it is. I've been waiting for this. "...predict loud and often".
You need to be a writer.
"boy, that episode of the Apprentice was very synergy" got a good laugh out of this guy.
The buffet part got me, ha the purse of the lips, so sick. Keep em coming Justin.
never stop this.
the nicole/lionel richie part killed me.
also #30.
i don't even know what to say
Soooo great! They just get better & better. I can't pick a single favorite, but i will say I love a good "trainee" & the drink to name a few.
#25 put me in a coma. Such talent you have my friend!
I may have been guilty of #22 & #28 myself. ha!
Post a Comment